Touting for Love

According to the BBC, "Self-confessed cynic Jeremy Butler, 32, got a whopping 93 phone numbers, after handing out fliers and standing next to a 3m-tall banner reading: 'Girlfriend wanted, apply here'.

"On his list of telephone numbers he said: 'It definitely beats going down the pub'.

I couldn't be happier for Jeremy. It's a bold and direct approach for which he should be congratulated. However, I can't help but feel sorry for people who don't live in Cricklewood. Cricklewood has, of course, revolutionised my dating life. You can imagine how delighted girls are when you suggest adjourning to your apartment "in Cricklewood". Not that I date outside Cricklewood too much anymore. The girls are universally brighter and more beautiful in the area so there is very little incentive to venture into the ugly world beyond the Broadway.

My advice to Jeremy, once he's made his way through the 93 numbers, is to move to Cricklewood. He never need feel rejected or alone again. I'll even take him to Pedro's on his first day in the area.