Taxi drivers give out condoms

Some 60,000 condoms will be available from Thursday as part of the Safe Ride Home scheme in East Sussex.

Read the full story:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/4139138.stm

The Herald applauds this excellent initiative. It has been initiated by boxer Chris Eubank, presumably a man who has frequently found himself fumbling about unsafely in a cab in East Sussex. Now, in thinking through this initiative, the decision to pilot it in East Sussex has clearly been a response to the levels of success which people generally have experienced with East Sussex girls. A reasonable place to start, we agree.

The project has been sponsored by Trojan condoms and Radio Cabs – the latter for distribution and the former for supply. According to Trojan, one in nine people carry an STI – presumably the figure is even higher in East Sussex. Herein lies the nub of the issue. If the initiative is aimed at reducing the incidence of STI’s, it is best to focus on areas outside of Cricklewood. Cricklewood residents are discerning and noble and have some of the lowest incidences of STIs in the western world.

If, however, the initiative is aimed at reducing the incidence of unwanted pregnancy, Cricklewood may not be such a bad spot to focus on. It is true that Cricklewood residents do not come up on the top ten list of easy pulls. We are notoriously selective but for a very important reason – we can be. We are a shatteringly attractive people widely sought after and with general appeal. This is a reflection not only of our extraordinary good looks and deep souls, but also of the lengths that other (very attractive) people (who live outside Cricklewood) will go in order to spend a night in Cricklewood. For example, after a champagne evening with Jennifer Aniston last week, she walked out the door the moment I suggested a hotel. “If you don’t care enough to take me to your home, then screw you Buddy!” she said as she stormed out – but I’m protective of my little slice of Cricklewood and I can’t have it turning into some sort of Beverley Hills overnighter.

I digress. The key here is the condom initiative. The bottom line is that there is an awful lot of really good sex going on in Cricklewood between extremely attractive people – probably more than anywhere else in the world. If we want to get condoms where they are most needed then I suggest that Durex, Cricklewood Mini-Cabs and Marlboro (for afterwards) team up to serve our own little slice of heaven.